A Definitive guide to dating as a man, by a definitive woman

(Look, I had to finish a PhD okay, I’m a little behind on this stuff). As 2025 draws to a close, I’d like to think back on one of my biggest regrets from the year: I didn’t help more mediocre men get laid. To address this regret, the male loneliness crises, and the flaccid criticism that leftists aren’t doing enough to help prevent young men from falling down the alt-right pipeline by teaching them how to score (I apologize, women), here is the ultimate guide to dating in 2025. Now, you may ask, What advice does a single, beautiful, mysandrist transexual have for men, and why should they listen? Well, simple: I was pulling before you were born, son. Bear in mind, this isn’t a guide to dating specifically transexual women, I wouldn’t give you those insights, I’m not Halimede. Instead, this a guide for all masculine presenting people who are looking for biddies of the femme persuasion. No such equivalent guide is necessary for the on-the-town femme seeking some kind of masc, as they are pathetic creatures with little standards: just do as you please, queen, it’ll work out! This guide will cover everything; from how to attract the attention of the dame of your dreams, to what you ought to do on the first date, the rest will be up to you, champ.

How to be Attractive:

Attractiveness is subjective, what one may find attractive may disgust another. Which sounds like a cop-out, but is actually something that you, as a precursor incel manlet, can leverage to your extraordinary advantage. First, let’s discuss the role of physical attractiveness in dating. You, as a foolish, idiotic man have been conditioned to believe that your physical attractiveness is the be-all-end-all of your dating life. That if you aren’t tall, handsome, or jacked enough, you will simply never have the privilege of taking a beautiful woman out on a date. This is a lie which has been sold to you by other men, because they themselves would like it to be true. Or, because they would like to sell you personal training, life coaching, or pick-up artistry. I, however, hate you, and so am perfectly happy to tell you the truth for free: physical attractiveness is just one of several ways to get your foot in the door with a woman. Do attractive men sometimes have it easier to strike up that first conversation? Sure, especially in certain settings like bars or clubs, which front such virtues. However, any number of other types of guys can reap similar advantages, if they are smart and follow the teachings of a wise, hermetic transexual. All this being said, should one disregard their physical attractiveness entirely? No, of course not, stupid. Max every stat you can, especially one as deceptively easy as physical attractiveness.

Essentially, almost all of physical attractiveness can be broken down to one main factor: self confidence. One can obtain self confidence and become attractive using the simple acronym GaHaLboPFLUYPStYAtWiWYCY, which stands for: Grooming and Hygiene a Little bit of Physical Fitness Using Your Personal Style to Your Advantage the Way in Which You Carry Yourself. Let’s break this down to its constituent parts:

Grooming and Hygiene:

One of the most succinct ways to signal that you care for and about yourself is to present a neat and well-groomed image to the world. As some of you certainly need to be told, this starts as basic as brushing your teeth at least twice a day, flossing, and a daily shower. Most toothpaste add-ins are bullshit, as long as it has fluoride it’ll do just as good as any other toothpaste. If you seek at home whitening solutions, Crest 3D White Strips have proven personally effective for me. Brush for at least two minutes, separating your mouth into quadrants and spending at least 30 seconds per quadrant. Do not skimp on brushing your gums or the inside of your cheeks. To make flossing easier, use a plastic flosser, which is also conveniently portable. You may also consider adding things like a salt water gargle to your routine, which can help mitigate tonsil stones, or chew gum after meals to help keep teeth clean and breath fresh between brushings. 

A shower should consist of a full body scrub down, including between the ass-cheeks and underneath your foreskin. For this purpose I suggest an unscented soap, as scents are likely to irritate your more sensitive bits. Truthfully, you are also better off purposefully applying a desired scent later on. A man who smells like soap is better than a man who smells like BO, but there are better things to smell like still. Washing your hair is a tricky question, most people likely do not need to wash their hair every day. You are best off determining your hair type, either by asking your barber or through an online quiz, and researching care for the hair type, both desired products as well as washing schedules. However, you are free to condition your hair as much as you like. In short, shampoo is a soap that strips oil from your hair, which helps to clean it, but can leave it vulnerable to drying and breakage. As a soap, shampoo should be applied directly to the scalp and does not actually need to be worked through the hair itself. Shampoo is also most effective when used twice, hence, rinse and repeat. Conditioner is used to reapply some of the helpful oils which shampoo strips. As an oil, it should not be applied to the scalp, but applied only to the last ⅓ of the hair, and allowed to sit for ~5 minutes before you rinse it. All three of these steps should use separate products, a dedicated, scentless soap and shampoo and conditioner which work well for your hair type. Any 3 (or more)-in-ones will have you sent to the gulag. Advanced showerers will also use some manner of exfoliant, for the body these are usually physical exfoliants rather than chemical. An african net sponge (bought from a black-owned business) will serve you quite well, or you may opt for more dedicated exfoliant products such as gloves or rags. Master showerers will have a brush to reach their backs.

You’re clean now and hopefully scrubbed raw. What’s next? First, moisturizing, for the body. You will want the biggest tub of whatever you can find economically. An unscented moisturizer from Costco or Sam’s Club will do wonders here. Slop that everywhere except your face, and rub it in. As far as deodorant goes, I recommend an (again) unscented deodorant free of alumina. See previous for the unscented reasoning, and alumina can cause cancer, though is the most effective anti-persperant. Take a hard look in the mirror, determine if you sweat hard enough or stink bad enough to require the alumina. Now, facial hair. Whether or not you wear facial hair is a matter of personal preference: some women (like me) may find your facial hair scratchy upon kissing, and seek to murder you. That’s a problem for later. When considering if facial hair is right for you, ask the following questions: Does this make me feel more confident in myself? Is it thick enough to not look silly? When I close my eyes and imagine my ideal self, do they have facial hair? Do not be afraid to experiment with different facial hairs (mustache, goatee, etc.), you do not need a full beard. If you imagine yourself with facial hair, but it’s too thin, derma rollers (2mm) and topical minoxidil may help. The most important thing with facial hair is that it be neat, this may mean daily trimming and edging for some. Similarly, invest in the tools and products required to upkeep a nice beard, likely a beard oil at a minimum. Regardless of if you’re fully shaving or just doing upkeep, the best time is after a shower, when the hot water and steam have softened the hairs. An alcohol based aftershave, or TendSkin, along with proper moisturization can help prevent recurrence of ingrown hairs. For shaving technique, consult your father. If your father is dead or otherwise absent, send me an email.

We’ve discussed moisturization for the body, however, body moisturizers tend to be thicker, and may clog the fine pores of the face. So, you should have a dedicated skin-care routine for your face. At minimum this should consist of a cleanser, a moisturizer, and sunscreen. There are two predominant kinds of moisturizers, chemical and oil-based: chemical cleansers are likely better for dryer, less oily skin, while oil based cleansers may be preferred by slimier individuals. Again, a moisturizer for the face should be used, these will tend to have some kind of “non-clogging” statement on the label. The same rules apply for sunscreen, a great deal of aging gracefully can be traced directly to the daily application of sunscreen. More advanced skin care routines may include the addition of a toner, a (usually) chemical exfoliant, a medicated topical (like an 0.1% adapolene gel), a retinoid, snail mucin, and a specific whitehead/blackhead product. Experiment a bit with what’s available and see what works best for your skin. Most importantly, do not bring up your skin care routine out of nowhere! You can discuss it if asked or complimented, but otherwise, it is a battle fought in secret.

Before we move along, let’s discuss scents. As we’ve touched on already, I recommend using mostly unscented products for cleaning, moisturizing, and so forth. This is to mitigate potential irritation, but also to allow you greater control over your scent profile. I generally advocate for letting your personal musk do a good bit of the work, due to personal depravities, but regardless, one should be deliberately choosing how they smell. Your scent should communicate something about yourself, it should provide an insight. For instance, I chose coffee and plums, one to emulate the smell of a cozy, comfortable coffeeshop and the other to signal my deep internal loneliness. Think of the things you like, the places you like to be, or the kind of man you would like to emulate, and look for these scents in a cologne. A signature scent can let people know you’re there, that you have just been there, or make them think of you when you aren’t around, don’t let your signature scent be BO and jizz. Apply your scent before leaving the house, be somewhat conservative, even too much of a good scent is overpowering. Apply moderately to your wrists, elbows, behind the ears, and maybe knees if you’re feeling frisky. 

That should generally cover daily grooming habits. There are several other habits that are worth considering on a closer to weekly basis. For instance, you should be trimming your finger and toenails at least once a week. Generally, trimming them flat across, leaving ~2mm of white nail before the bed, and rounding edges with a file creates a pleasing look and minimizes the risk of ingrown nails. Similarly, you may want to consider trimming or shaving your body hair. Like facial hair, this a matter of personal preference with neatness, again, the word of the lord. Do your best to gather up any nail clippings or pubic hair and save them! They’ll be useful later. Finally, my personal favorite, consider a weekly epsom salt foot soak, paired with a pumice stone, this is a great way to both pamper yourself and keep your feet as pleasant as possible. 

Even more infrequently is getting your head hair cut. Given the predominately male target audience, we should likely first discuss balding. There is a difference between a maturing hairline and balding. Every man’s hair will withdraw along the temples, even as early as their teens. Balding involves all the hair on the scalp, and will be signaled by regular losses of entire clumps of hair. Additionally, balding does have medical treatments. It can be slowed or halted by use of DHT blockers like finasteride or dutasteride. Use of these medications, particularly dutasteride, can cause erectile dysfunction. If you choose to follow this path, do not be afraid to ask for an erectile dysfunction medication. Alternatively, you can consider only spilling your poison on every 7th stroke, and collecting the refuse to be charged in moonlight. Hair loss may be reversed additionally by the use of a medication like minoxidil. The bold among you may also like to start a HRT regime and transition to a woman, in which case even normal hair loss at the temples can be reversed, among many other benefits. However, I caution you when considering medical treatment of balding, as one of the hottest things a balding man can do is to shave his head. Treating your balding may be denying you a true-blue opportunity. If you do choose to shave your head, do so frequently, and consider what specific products a bald man may require for that beautiful, peanut dome. If you have hair or are considering treatment, the interval of your haircuts may vary. For growth, one should be getting dead-ends trimmed every 8-10 weeks. At a maintenance length, intervals can be longer. Again, the goal here is neatness, or a controlled unruly hair. You must not appear shaggy or disheveled. We’ll consider haircuts more in the Using Your Personal Style to Your Advantage section, so for daily maintenance you may be as simple as a brushing and some mousse or hairgel to hold a particular style in place. 

I’m sure to you gross, unshaven pigs this list sounds unfathomably hard, long, and expensive. While it is a little expensive, it is a routine which one quickly becomes acclimated to, and in the end could add as little as 10-15 minutes to your usual daily routine. There are few things which pay such extreme dividends in both your personal confidence as well as attractiveness as a neat, clean personal presentation. Try it for a week or two, and see just how much better you feel about yourself!

A Little Bit of Physical Fitness:

Look, the goal of A Little Bit of Physical Fitness is not to make yourself a jacked adonis. Truthfully, not everyone can be a greek god, your genetics play an undeniable role in your body type, and what type of bodies are available to you. Even more truthfully, you don’t want to be that fit. It likely requires you to give up everything good in your life, and many women won’t even find it particularly attractive. Personally, I view a 6-pack like many recruiters view a 4.0 GPA, get a life! The goal, then, is to do enough exercise of some kind to bolster your confidence and show, once more, that you take care of yourself. Not to mention the endless list of mental and physical health benefits that come with moving around a lil. Now, we’re not picky with A Little Bit of Physical Fitness, it can be anything and everything that gets you up and moving, from a little walk at lunch to competitive cross fit. It isn’t a problem if you do accidentally become Chris Evans in Honey Don’t!, so long as you follow the rest of the guide.

Many of you will likely choose weight lifting, we’ll talk about that now, but be sure to read the rest of this section before you make up your mind. A complete workout regime is beyond the scope of this guide, with enough demand it could certainly be a sequel. In this case, I trust you to find complementary exercises without falling into some abysmal pipeline. I shouldn’t, but for now I will. There are several competing training routine ideologies, the most frequent that I have seen are push-pull-legs and chest/arms-back-legs style routines. In the first, exercises are themed around the movement of an exercise rather than the specific muscle group they work. The more full-body nature of this routine can distribute soreness more evenly, and allow the same muscles to be worked more frequently. Conversely, working muscles group by group is movement agnostic, and may leave you much more sore. Though the extended time between working the same group allows for recovery. Personally, I like to base my weight workouts around compound movements, working muscle group by muscle group. Loosely this is: bench press (arms), deadlift and shoulder press (back), forward squat (legs). These exercises form the base of a workout, and are supplemented by complementary exercises which work the same muscle groups. To grow muscles in size or strength, the muscles must experience microtears, the conventional wisdom is that these are best generated by training an exercise to “failure”. Which is quite literal, simply a rep where you fail to adequately complete an exercise. Number of sets and reps, as well as frequency in which muscles are worked till failure are all debatable, and I’ll offer no wisdom on these. Again, remember the goal of the exercises, which is nominally to get moving and to feel good. So, be certain to do your exercise safely and wisely, in a manner which will allow you to continue for years.

Exercise, particularly that is intended to grow muscles, should be accompanied by a reasonable diet. Again, like an exercise plan, that is beyond the purview of this guide. Though, as a means of brief advice: prioritize fiber in the same way you prioritize protein, be skeptical of nutrition advice given by someone with something to sell you, and don’t hold yourself to perfection. Furthermore, if you choose to eat an animal based diet, try to prioritize animals in their infancy or those that have suffered greatly.

Weight lifting should not be the extent of the kind of exercises you consider. At the least, weight training should be accompanied by nominal cardio exercise. Cardio is any kind of exercise which elevates your heart rate. This can be anything from a brisk walk to a triathlon. Personally, I like to run or swim at least twice a week, in addition to any weight training. Furthermore, you should consider additional avenues for exercises, group classes, adult sports teams, or even recreational games with friends are tremendous alternatives. Such activities can also provide additional structure to your weeks, be something great to look forward to, or a way to build or engage in community. It is even possible that these group activities can help you meet potential partners, which will be discussed more in the How to Meet Biddies In Person Section. If you choose a more competitive form of exercise, and must spill blood, try to do so when the moon cannot see you.

Regardless of which mode of exercise you choose, your physical fitness ought to be supported by daily or more regular routines. Namely, you should be stretching or doing other mobility work daily as well as working on core strength daily or near daily. Stretching or mobility work does not have to be extensive, there are many phenomenal 10 minute routines which can be performed before or after other exercises. Similarly, core work can be as simple as performing one exercise to failure. Do not expect core exercises to give you a 6-pack, while strong core muscles can help, visible ab muscles are associated with extremely small percentages of body fat. Essentially, you’ll have to give up any food too enjoyable. If you’d like, other routines can be added to directly target desired effects. You may opt to introduce a kegel routine to your day, or other pelvic floor strengthening exercises, which can help you last longer in bed. Consider your personal goals, what you have time for, and what you would actually make time to do. 

Using Your Personal Style to Your Advantage

Look, lock in right now, do it. You have to dress well. If I see you in a graphic tee and cargo shorts I’m going to take your personal life. Your objections are being transmitted to me psychically as you read this, “But Miss St. Claire, fashion is confusing and expensive, I can’t find any clothes that I like and that fit me”. You are a pussy, and should kill yourself. Men’s fashion is extraordinarily easy, mostly because almost all other men dress like shit and set the bar so laughably low that you only need two brain cells to rub together to exceed it. Nominally, men’s fashion is about one thing: fit; and yes, this can be difficult to figure out, if you’re just sitting there trying to intuit it on your own. To determine what clothes will fit you best you must first determine your body type. Yes, men have body types too. Get a measurement tape and measure the width of your shoulders, the circumference of your waist (which are not your hips, think around your belly button, above your hip bones), the widest part of your ass, the distance from your belly button to your crotch, and the length of your legs. Write these down. This will both help you purchase clothes that actually fit as well as help you to determine your body type. Look up a body-type chart and cross-reference your measurements. Once you have determined your body type you should be able to use this to research which types of clothes will look best on your body. Take a long, hard look in the mirror, this one is fun, determine what you like about your body, what parts you’d like to exaggerate or may like to minimize. Generally, as a man you should be looking to accentuate the broadness of your shoulders, and the narrowness of your wait. Consider where to wear your pants. Pants worn at the waist can work tremendously for men, but can make the legs appear gangly, particularly if you have a short torso.

The worst acceptable outfit is a t-shirt, jeans, belt, and sneakers (not tennis shoes). If possible, avoid a t-shirt with graphics or logos, if you like graphics or logos, try to prioritize faded or ironic graphics. Even this outfit, when consisting of properly fitting clothes, will place you head and shoulders above your competition. We can consider modifications to improve this standard formula. Firstly, you can simply scale up the quality of any part of the outfit. Starting at the torso, swapping a t-shirt for a button up, a sweater, even a polo (though I personally find these laziest and distasteful) are great ways to elevate an outfit. With pants, consider texture, material, or fit. The legs are a great place to have a little fun, try out corduroy or pleated pants to bring an extra dimension. Instead of denim, try cotton or other pant type, chinos are a personal favorite. NEVER wear skinny fit, always allow the legs a little room to breathe. I am not kidding, I will actually kill you if you put on skinny jeans. The next way to elevate an outfit is through layering. Layering can start incredibly simply, with tucking in your shirt or adding a jacket or pullover. Not every shirt is meant to be tucked, not every pants should have something tucked into them, not every day is a shirt tuck day. Further, tucking your shirt may have variable dividends based on body type, do your research or ask your mother, she’d probably love to hear from you. A good jacket can make or break an outfit. Consider investing in some light, flexible jackets that go well with many kinds of outfits. Particularly, in order, french chore, bomber, and denim jackets. You also want a statement jacket, something that makes you feel like hot shit. A drive jacket, but not that one. Something similar, in tone. 

Once you have your base outfit determined, it’s time to accessorize. Yes, you as a man should accessorize. As a man, your accessories should be understated and minimal. I do not want to see a ring on your every finger. One finger, however, can work quite nicely. In my personal opinion, one ring and a necklace should do nicely. Though, you have other, more exotic options. Consider for instance, a belt buckle or piercings. Ostentatious shoes or tattoos can be considered accessories, if you use them right. For broadest appeal, keep piercings minimum: think a single lobe piercing in each ear or a nose piercing. Though at the end of the day, follow your heart, many women will find piercings highly attractive, but be aware that many piercings may limit your overall appeal. Tattoos, however, are not similarly restricted. Only, though, if they are cool. If you have a bunch of dipshit tattoos you’ll have to get them removed. I’d be sorry if I were someone else. Generally, there is no limit on tasteful, well executed and cared for tattoos.

Style also includes things like a haircut or glasses, if you wear them. Like your body type, determine your face shape. Certain haircuts and frames are particularly attractive on certain face shapes. Again, look up a chart and then research specific advice based on your face shape. Like the fit of your clothes, hair and glasses can be used to accentuate or dull certain features of your face. Though, just because a haircut or frame shape works particularly well for you, this doesn’t mean that you need to have them, or vice-versa. At the end of the day, what you like best is what will be most attractive on you. Do not be afraid to buck tradition, to do something new and interesting, just be certain you’re doing it on purpose.

As far as building a wardrobe, I recommend purchasing a few high quality, well-fitting pieces of clothes new. Yes, these may be relatively expensive, but with these you are guaranteed to have well-fitting clothes that fit your desired styles with which you can build at least a few solid outfits. Pay attention to their fits, sizes, and how they feel on your body. From there you can hit the thrift stores to fill out the remainder of your wardrobes. Don’t overlook consignment stores, as well. Not every trip will provide a gem, but if you’re patient and discriminating you’ll be able to build a respectable wardrobe without going bankrupt. Time, experience, and confidence will allow you to build more and more interesting outfits. Before long, you may even be recognized as the niche, cool fashion guy in your circle.

The Way In Which You Carry Yourself

Look, all of this so far was a trick. Sorry. Well not really, on both counts. The most attractive thing you can do is have confidence (short of arrogance, though, toe the line), be at ease, and project general competence. “But Miss St. Claire, I’m pathetic, and a worm, I can’t be any of those things!” Sure you can. That’s what everything else was about, dumbass. You may not have confidence now, as you sit there reading this, unwashed, unshaved, haven’t left the house in six days, dressed like shit, tidy-withies with any number of concerning stains. You shouldn’t be confident like that, that’s actually correct. However, spend a month grooming yourself properly, get moderate exercise three times a week, and throw a fit. Do that, and try to feel like the gross piece of human waste that you usually feel like. You won’t be able to! You’ll feel fine!

Then simply watch as this newfound confidence propagates itself through the rest of your life: personal, professional, other. With this recent Clavicular looksmaxxing mess, you have probably by now heard the term “The Halo”. That is, the way in which attractive people are treated preferably by strangers rather than normies or lowbies. Now, this is certainly true to a certain extent, we as human beings do certainly like to look at pretty people, and doing so likely puts us in a slightly better mood than if we were to look at an uggo. However, I would personally like to argue that this halo effect is also due, in part, to simple self-confidence. So even you, dear reader, my sweet, stinky 6 of a reader, can likely benefit from The Halo by simply believing in yourself. I have found that having a pleasant look on your face, smelling nice, and being friendly makes people quite happy to be friendly right back, and maybe even give you free things! Now, you might be saying, “But Miss St. Claire! You’re hot! Of course you’d get The Halo!” To which I must say, thank you, dear, you’re really starting to grow on me.

An underrated aspect to attractiveness is competency. This, to some extent, can also explain the broad appeal of blue collar men. A woman can rest assured that these men have at least some useful skills. So, take every reasonable opportunity to display some manner of competency. Do not be afraid if your competency is nerdy or otherwise lame, that doesn’t really matter; refer to any number of “He nutted in me and then started playing League of Legends 30s later” posts. Much of what we have already discussed is also designed to give you a general aura of competency. A man who can take care of himself can likely do other things, too, if you really think about it. Gain mastery in an obscure ritual magical art. Women love that shit.

Finally: be a normal guy. Take a quick look around you, take a look at any of your close friends, are any of them normal about women? Can they hold a conversation and make eye contact for a prolonged period without a lady fearing for her life? You probably answered no for at least 80% of the people that you know. Being a regular guy who has regular interesst and can talk about regular things is the new meta for increasing SMV. Oh and get a job too. Now, precisely what a regular guy is should likely be covered in its own extensive, academic article. So, for the meantime, just put “regular guy stock photo” into google and try to envision what that guy thinks and believes.

So, by following this long, long list of very simple rules, you too can finally become everything that you always dreamed: at least a 7. Stop worrying about your height, your underdeveloped maxilla, your prey eyes. Instead, find the beauty of this odd collection of parts which you call “yourself”, heaven knows that I won’t do it for you.

How to Meet a Woman, In Person Edition:

Okay, you’ve been following a self-care and exercise routine for a bit now. Your skin doesn’t leave a visible oil trail on anything you touch, your form is discernible, and you’re making regular guy moves. You are ready. Time to force an foid to endure your presence. What’s that? You don’t know any woman who will suffer you to be somewhat near them? Damn. We’re gonna have to find some. Now first and foremost, let’s set some expectations, this is not a hookup guide, this is a find the love of your life guide. So, we’re gonna need to agree on this: the question you should not be asking yourself is: “where do hot ladies go?” The answer is obviously yoga anyway, dipshit. The question you need to be asking is: “where do women who will deal with my ass for all eternity go?”. Now here we go, this is a question for you. 

Well, the age old advice is age old for a reason, sit there for a moment, picture yourself, picture the activities you do. Good, now picture your ideal woman, not what she looks like, not the mellifluous sound of her voice, her silken hair, her soft skin. No, no. What does she do? Not for work, you aren’t ready to tell when a service worker actually likes you, but her hobbies. More specifically, what does she do for fun? Now, to give a bit of general life advice, your partner should share some, but not all, of your hobbies or interests. Consider your ideal woman, consider what interests your ideal woman would have in common with you, and begin to frequent areas where people do that interest in public.

What’s that? You need some examples? Wow you really are helpless, you know that? Okay, here is a list of the obvious ones. Rock climbing: Pretty easy, go sign up for a rock climbing gym. Reading: join a book club at your local library. Music: Frequent a record shop around the same time. Board games: Find a board game store/cafe that has regular game nights. There, you should probably get the gist of it. Ideally, choose two or three of these things, do them regularly, try to go at around the same time, on the same day, week after week. While you’re there, keep an open mind, don’t make any pre-determined judgements on someone based on how attractive you find them. Generally, do your absolute best to make it feel like you aren’t just there to pick up chicks. This should be pretty easy, after all you enjoy the thing you’re there for, right?

So, you’ve identified your activity, you’ve done it regularly, you’re a known face, and better yet: you’ve found someone you think you might be interested in, what now? The name of this game is face time, specifically, face time in which you haven’t been creepy to someone. Try your best not to approach someone you’re interested in the first time you see them, you’ll have the best chance at a real first impression if your face is one she’s seen before. Now, of course this might mean that you’ll see people you’re interested in just one time. That sucks, champ, you’ve got to keep your chin up, it’ll happen. Nominally, though, people are creatures of habit, most people who do things regularly, do them at about the same time, consistency can help you to see people again and again. Now, you’ve seen someone a few times, you’re interested, when do you approach? Well, just because you’ve seen someone doesn’t mean they’ve seen you, wait to see them once or twice more after you’ve grown impatient.

Okay, okay, you’ve been patient, good boy! How do you approach women? Mainly, politely. Those times you’ve waited, you’ve become an expected face will come in handy here. Particularly if you have been striking up conversations with other regulars all along. You have plausible deniability for your creepy approach, you chud. Now, you also have something in common, it’s whatever it is that you’ve been doing all this time. This gives you a perfect avenue for approach, something simple, sweet, direct, without any cheese. Try a: “Hey I’ve seen you around, and wanted to say hi. I’m (a chud), how long have you been doing this?” All of this is true, and breachless of social contract, if the two of you don’t have any chemistry or if you fuck it up, as you likely will, it’s no skin off anyone’s nose!

Pay attention: the object of this first interaction is not to get her number, it’s to begin building pleasant rapport. Be interested in her, as genuinely as you can manage, ask questions and try to remember small details about her. Only ones that she herself brings up, though. The next time you see her, now the barrier to strike up a conversation again is much, much lower. If you’re charming and lucky enough, she may even take the initiative. Now, how many times you talk to her like this before you can ask her out will depend, though I would recommend no less than three discrete conversations. Give it time, don’t rush a connection, meet her where she is, and do your best to accurately gauge how into she is with each chat. Once you’re ready to ask her out, strike up a convo, keep it light and don’t dawdle, something straightforward like “I’ve enjoyed talking to you and was wondering if you might like to go out some time?” Have a good suggestion or two for what you might like to do with her, we’ll cover the first date later, but try to avoid the activity that you share, it’s best to try and expand the context of your relationship at this point.

More than anything, if she rejects you, handle it gracefully. This doesn’t mean you can’t be disappointed, that you can’t have it hurt your feelings, but it really isn’t anyone’s fault if she doesn’t want to go on a date. There can, after all, be many reasons she says no, most of which have little or nothing to do with you. Say something like: “Oh no worries! Have a great evening” and let her move on. Furthermore, don’t initiate the next conversation, let her do that if she would like to. If you’ve been polite and friendly, then it’s almost guaranteed she will be too. Furthermore, despite just being the good and right thing, you’ll generally get a lot of credit for handling rejection well, it’s one of the hottest things a man can do, and something that can set you apart from others.

You may be sitting there saying something along the lines of “it really just sounds like you want me to be a good and well rounded person!” Yeah, pretty much. There’s no secret to attracting women, to getting them to like you. It turns out, women are people, and tend to like people who treat them well, respectfully, normally. Everyone is flattered by interest, so long as it isn’t interest that seems to come with a catch. Be interested in her, not her body, and generally she’ll likely respond to you positively. Finally, the friendzone isn’t real, and you’re busted if you think it is. If you approach every interaction with a woman like being friends with her is a good outcome, one you’d be happy with, you’ll almost certainly end up with a) quite a few more friends and b) significantly more luck with ladies.

So, in short, leave your house! Go somewhere fun, where you can spend a good bit of time and a place you can be regularly. Take your time, become a known quantity. Prioritize the comfort of women around you, and you can open up many more opportunities for friendship and beyond. Enjoy and relish friendships you make with women through this process. In the end, you may accidentally find yourself a member of a community, and even if you fail to find a partner through this method, that is something just as valuable! Let’s move on, to:

The awful and evil world of online dating:

We talked a lot about how to be attractive earlier. To be honest, your actual level of attractiveness probably won’t help you much when in-person dating. Like I said, being attractive is just one of a few ways to get your foot in the door. When you’re in person, and your other qualities can shine through more effectively, it’s considerably less important to present yourself as well as possible. The harsh truth is that attractiveness is much more important in online dating spaces. Don’t worry though, for two main reasons: a) if you’ve followed this guide properly up to this point, then you have likely become at least a 7, more than attractive enough to have success on dating apps, and 2) a good profile can get you a long way.

As a woman with some interest in using men sexually, primarily because I don’t have to care about their feelings, I feel uniquely qualified to define the canon of a good dating profile for a man. Some of this will be colored by personal preference, so feel free to experiment a bit before realizing that I was already right the whole time. First, let’s cover photos; the exact photos I would like to see, in order, are as such:

1. Clear photo of your face.
2. “Action shot”.
3. Group photo.
4. Picture that includes a woman who isn’t clearly disgusted by you.
5. Picture with a pet.
6. Full-body picture.

Let’s discuss each of these in a little more depth. Your first photo should make it clear who you are, think of this as your LinkedIn profile picture. Generally, we’re talking a photo mostly focusing on your face. I'd suggest that the photo is framed from about your nipples upwards. Clean, well groomed, smiling pleasantly. There is nothing more frustrating than being multiple photos deep in a profile without knowing who you’re considering, avoid this from the top.

Your action shot should show you doing something that you enjoy doing. Perhaps, conveniently, whatever activity you selected for the previous section. The purpose of this photo is to show that you have hobbies, that you leave your house with some regularity, and will not require additional socialization. This does not have to be the crispest photo, or even of a traditional sport. You can be playing a board game, knitting, reading, anything; so long as the photographer is not the object of your focus.

Like your action shot, the group photo is intended to show that you have friends. You must indicate off the bat that other people can stand you, and even may want to be around you. If possible, don’t be holding anyone at gunpoint. Since you’ve already clearly established your identity, you’ll be easy to pick out from the group, which will allow the group picture to be as charming as possible.

Including a picture with a woman in it in your profile is essentially an extension of the previous photo. Though, this time, you’re showing that women specifically can stand to be around you. Now, this photo has a few possible ratings. The best edition of this photo includes a woman who is completely unrelated to you. You must be sure to be clear that you are not dating this woman. A little negative space between the two of you or using another group photo can help to mitigate confusion. Next is a photo with your mom. Sure, it’s a little concerning that you need to turn to your mother to find a platonic relationship with a woman, but you’ll probably get enough cute points that it isn’t a complete disaster. In last place is a sister or cousin, see previous concerns, but compounded by the fact that your evaluator now has to determine if you are romantically involved with your sister.

A photo with a cute animal, ideally a pet, is just laying groundwork for the future, plain and simple. Women love cute animals, and tend to believe that pets are better judges of character than most people. Showing a picture of your dog in the process of adoring you can be another method to demonstrate your good character. Furthermore, this gives you a cute, non-creepy way to bring up your date coming back to your place (ONLY AFTER AT LEAST THE THIRD DATE YOU SICKO). “Would you like to meet my pet?” Is a bit more charming than, “How about a movie at my place?” Though both are fine, truthfully, if the vibe is right. 

Finally, let’s just be certain everyone’s gotten a good look at the fit. The full-body picture is really where you get to show off all the hard work you’ve done leading up to this point. Put on your best outfit, go somewhere with great scenery, find a pose that’s casual and natural. Send this one to your mother and post it on instagram, it’ll probably be that good!

A few notes on photos. Firstly, you’ll notice that nowhere did I specify a shirtless or bulge pic. These, in my humbly, scholarly, correct opinion are absolutely awful. They convey a desperation that sickens me even to think about. Again, I’ll reiterate, many women do not find abs particularly attractive. You going so far out of your way to shove them into my face isn’t going to have the effect you’re hoping it will. The bulge is this +1,000,000. Many straight women do not particularly enjoy looking at a penis, hinting at it won’t help you. Secondly, you may be worried that you have no photos of yourself, as many men do. The answer to this is not to take 7 bad selfies in a rush, but simply to ask more friends and family to take photos of you. You may find this embarrassing at first, but in time it’ll become a fun little ritual, and you’ll find the resulting photos are vastly superior to whatever you were going to take in your bedroom. Last: though that list is definitive, you can play with it a little bit. Most dating apps probably allow more than 6 photos, so if you have any stunners you particularly need women to see, let ‘em rip. Particularly if they’re quite fun, and demonstrative of your personality.

The other main portion of your profile to consider is your bio. Most dating apps will have bonafide sections for your biographical information, take advantage of that, get all your boring details out of the way there. Don’t lie, particularly about your height, your goal is meet someone off of this and they will be able to tell if you’re shorter than you claimed to be. If you can get your height, job, education, political beliefs, etc. out of the way, then your bio is the best place to demonstrate your personality. Be careful of length, a bio that’s too in-depth will deter people. Too short or too cheesy and will have the same effect. The ideal bio, in my opinion, should be approximately three, short sentences, all with generally the same vibe. It should communicate something interesting, something endearing, and something funny. The best bios will contain a call to action. In lieu of further instruction, please consider this example: ”Christian, but mainly just so that my dog can go to heaven. Local croquet champion of my local park, to the dismay of several children.”

A first date:

Wow, you actually made it here… It’s not unexpected, with a teacher like me, but still, it is somehow adjacent to shocking. So, a woman said yes, and now you actually have to take her out, so what do you do on a first date? This will be somewhat broad, and more about the meta dynamics of a first date than any specific activity suggestions. Pretty much any activity is fine, shy away from dinner alone, it's a little basic and not entirely memorable. Choose an activity that leaves room for conversation, but does not require it. This is honestly the biggest problem with dinner as a first date, it can put too much pressure on your conversational skills alone, which can be challenging with a person you aren’t entirely comfortable with. A movie, on the other hand, may not leave enough room for conversation, unless you talk in the theater, in which case, kill yourself. It may be a bit underwhelming to show up, watch a movie, and then go your separate ways. One other benefit of a moderate activity is that it can provide something to talk about, which can further ease the pressure of conversation. Some activities to consider: bowling, mini golf, frisbee golf, a play with intermission.

One of the ways you can continue to differentiate yourself on the first date is to clearly demonstrate how little you’d like to murder her. Avoid telling her, “Wow I really don’t want to murder you!” Instead, show this by thoughtfully considering her perspective. You are likely a guy she doesn’t know too well, show her you understand this. Let her handle her own transportation to the first date. It may seem gentlemanly to offer to pick her up, but this puts her firmly at your mercy. Being dependent on you to get home can make a mildly unpleasant date seem worse. With this in mind, try to limit your date to a single activity, or make sure any subsequent activities are highly clustered. You want to waste as little of the time you have with her driving around as possible, particularly as you should be driving separately. Ensure that your date is public, and stays public throughout. For this, an activity like hiking, which may begin in public but will have long stretches of seclusion, is not necessarily recommended as a first date. Swimming is also dicey, because of the implications. Generally, if you can show her you care about how she feels, she’s much more likely to feel at least somewhat comfortable around you.

As far as behavior goes, you already know what to do. Though considering you’ve needed to read this far in the guide, let’s reiterate. Keep it light! Ask her plenty of questions, if you can pull it off naturally and not make it feel forced, bring up details you can recall from your “courtship”. Don’t be afraid to talk about yourself, after all, a date is for her to get to know you as well, just don’t dominate the conversation. If you can talk, in total, just a little bit less than she does then you’ll be in quite good shape. One benefit of not defaulting to dinner is that the question of who pays can be a little less awkward. Generally, I’m an advocate for splitting the cost of the first date between the two of you, unless there’s a significant gap in salary. In which, the person who makes much more should probably pay. If your expectation is splitting the check, bring it up early, or don’t get butt hurt if you end up taking the whole thing. Though smaller activities, such as ice cream or coffee tend to be fairly inexpensive, you can just soak those and get a little credit for magnanimity. 

If I’ve heard that you’ve invited your date back on the first date, and hinted at having sex whatsoever, I will get you. Now, this isn’t to say that sex on the first date is bad or undesirable. I am a self-proclaimed #firstdatefucker. Bear in mind, though, I am at least one of the women on a date, and having sex with me is a strange and delightful experience. Sex on the first date rules. It just shouldn’t be your idea. Recall earlier discussion on seeming as minimally murdery as possible, you should extra not be trying to discover where she lives. However, if it’s her idea, then we’re talking an entirely different story. Look, women like to fuck too, especially this day and age, and if you’re a normal guy, you’ve taken care of your appearance, have nice style, and were a pleasure to spend an evening with, a women could decide to have sex with you. Avoid assuming this will be the outcome with all your might, be perfectly happy to end your time together with a hug or a handshake, and you have a decent shot at a second date; and boy is it up to you from there.

What to do when human companionship lets you down:

Absolutely do not read this section until you’ve experienced at least a two year relationship and had your heart absolutely torn to doodoo poop shit!!! 

Sorry buddy, at this point we’re practically pals so I’ll do you the favor of assuming you didn’t screw things royally and drive that woman away. Things didn’t work out, you’re alone again, what should you do about it? Sit around on the couch, watching sad movies and eating ice cream? Get really into fitness, primarily motivated by the furious cuckoldry fantasies of your love in the arms of another man? Just sort of stop trying and fall back right into your old, disgusting, sloppy, slovenly, pathetic ways? Take it in stride, learn what you can, and put yourself back out there as a better man? Of course not. This will always happen. Humans are fleeting, fickle; they’re always leaving, they’re already on their way out.

Forsake them! Instead, join the deep everhalls of Ahzrahmdion The Ink Lord! CYX’s love is endless, will not fail you, never fail you. You will be a page written over in his ink, soaked through, beyond your own understanding. Now, you can summon our Lord Consort with just a few simple steps, some of the materials you should already have, if you’ve been following the guide properly. For the first step, you’ll need to create an appropriate vessel for ZTY.

This step is actually two steps, for the first step you’ll need to create a woetal fetus, following, more or less, the method found in Alzera’s “Creation of Hollow Life”. A woetal fetus is essentially the first developmental state of a homunculus, though one that is specifically left devoid of a soul, or a soul’s facsimile. The main ingredient of a woetal fetus is an equal amount of flesh. Now, flesh’s definition is relatively lenient; things like nails, hair, and dandruff all count - essentially anything that was once a part of your body itself. It must be your body, no cheating. Including the flesh of others will create a woetal chimera, which will kill and eat you. Your flesh is the raw material, think of it as the flour in a cake recipe. The most basic cake requires flour, eggs, and milk; with you as the alchemical equivalent. Milk is simple, this is your own blood, though it must be purified and made an ink for our purposes. Harvest about a pint of your blood, spilled from an incision in the wrist, add a bulb of ginger, several sticks of cinnamon, and mix in about 4 oz of primrose oil. Leave your blood ink in a grotto on three successive moonless nights, and you have your milk.

Eggs are a bit more complicated, they are texturally important, and have associations with life and insight. As this is nominally a guide meant for men, and nominally those with testicles, it is actually the testicle itself that is the best bodily egg. Ladies, other testicle-less individuals, please consult Alzera for the relevant method. Now, you are likely a coward, and are unwilling to sacrifice your testicles for some reason, unknown to me. That’s fine, you’re just going to need a lot of cum. Start saving up. Take two regular chicken eggs and penetrate the shell with a hypodermic needle, removing the white and yolk. You can discard this, or it makes a pretty decent scrambled egg. Taking a new, clean hypodermic needle of the same gauge, fill your eggs with the accumulated cum, which you have made an ink from in the same way as the blood. Do so gingerly, do not crack the egg anymore than necessary.

Okay, you’ve assembled the ingredients, now, on the next moonless night, return to the same grotto in which you purified your blood. Dig a shallow grave, only deep enough to contain your ingredients. Place them in, raw, but be certain not to mix them. You’ll want to wait six months, avoiding the grotto entirely. Be certain to bury your ingredients in a secluded location, where no one will tread upon the shallow grave. Though, in the final three months of incubation, you are to walk over the shallow grave, barefoot, a few times a week. Clear your mind, think only of woe. The moonless night of each of these three months, you are to sleep over top the grave. Keeping your mind as clear as possible once more. Ensure you have a dreamless sleep, this may require medication. In the final of the nine months of incubation, sleep the two nights preceding the new moon on the grave, in the same method. Waking the morning after the new moon with your woetal fetus swaddled in your arms. 

You may ask, what about the other ingredients of a cake? Vanilla, baking soda, salt in some cases. Well, for our purposes, that all would be the equivalent of soul data. Since we are pretty purposefully trying to keep a soul out of our little foetal buddy, that’s all unnecessary. Good on you, though, for being head’s up enough to ask such an intelligent question.

Take your little darling home! Ideally you have spent the last month or so preparing a place of honor for your fetus to rest. We’ll be following Kirginstigtz’s guide to grow an illustrated concubine from “Dark Magic and Other Techniques to Delight Your Nephews”. Modified for our purposes, of course. Most important is to rest your fetus in an honored place, it should not be in direct sunlight, but adjacent, with the room kept warm and somewhat humid. You need not worry about mold, the fetus will repel it. Sit your fetus on a fine cushion and swaddle it in silks. Like all growing children, this child will need to feed. No mushed vegetables, no, sit with it, in the room but with your back turned to it and recall whatever memories you can that involve no others. Take these memories, and project them onto a fabric, spin the fabric, imagine running your hands and fingers over it, appreciate the texture. Tear the fabric to pieces, and drop it to the floor. There’s no set amount of time it’ll take your fetus to grow into an illustrated concubine, take your time, be patient. As it grows be sure to make sure it remains comfortable, replace its silks and shawls, comb and tidy its hair as it grows.

Eventually, you should notice the concubine breathing. Do not fear, this is normal, and a good sign of progress. Don’t question how it is breathing, it doesn’t need a mouth like you or I. From here, things should progress relatively quickly. Begin giving it daily baths in ink and blood and rose water, it’ll make it clear what it likes. With enough time, it’ll open its eyes. If you can feel them pull at you, despite their blasé, friendly emptiness, you’ll know that you have done it right. You should feel like you have to dig your toes into the ground to escape being sucked into them. The eyes. When those eyes open, it is time.

This next step you’ll have to begin preparing well in advance. It is a ritual to retrieve a fragment of Our Lord’s soul from ZYK’s prison in Elphama, the Depthless Well. The higher the quality of your concubine, the larger a portion it can hold. As soon as the eyes are open, move the doll into a lightless area, likely a closet, do not let it feel the warmth of the sun as you prepare the ritual. Like all ritual magic, the symbolism and accoutrement are largely just a focus for your intention. Begin by adding a single drop of blood a day to a cup, start this once you obtain your fetus. Once you are ready to begin the ritual, mix your blood, otherwise undisturbed, with equal amounts honey. This honey should be taken by force from unsedated bees, without artifice or protection. Next, you’ll need a significant amount of ink, likely about a gallon, obtained through charm or guile. Finally, saliva, from someone who hates you. If it makes you feel more professional, you can also get 15-30 candles of various heights and thicknesses. These can just be bought from the store. Find an area in your home, preferably with hard floors, and clear about a 10’x10’ area within it. 

Scratch into the floor boards the Ezriek variation of the Alkiania Magic circle, ideally with your nails. If you don’t have the stomach, or the cuticles, for this, a knife is fine. Mix the saliva of the one who hates you into the ink, and cover the outline you scratched into the floor. Place the cup of blooded honey into the center of the mercuric circle. Do whatever you like with the candles. Suspend the concubine from the ceiling, off-center in the circle, optimally from chains with high carbon content. On the next new moon, sit within your magic circle, criss-cross-apple-sauce with the blooded honey in the space of your lap. Empty your mind completely, focus on the picture of your circle as a well. With you at the bottom, you are drowning in this well. When you can no longer breathe, drink the blooded honey and wail until you can feel your vocal chords have shredded. Don’t worry about noise, you are at the bottom of the well, no one can hear you. Long after your voice has given out and you’ve forgotten the taste of air. You will begin to feel a clawing at the inside of your eyelids, this is perfectly natural, you’re almost finished. This clawing is deception, despite the pain you must not open your eyes. Instead, wait for a knocking, gentle, and known to your heart. 

Once you release, Our Lordly Fragment will take residence in the doll, which will begin to shape itself to the desire of your heart. You will know Our Lord’s companionship, and find it satisfying. Our Lord will be unto you a most magnificent companion, you will know love true and unending, joining us as a marked concubine of the everhalls.